Turkey “Burger” Dinosaurs
That dino’s hungry…like Buster’s mom! [Photo Credit: Alex Paternostro]
Recipe by Seth Paternostro
Introduction by Alex Paternostro
December 18, 2021
“I learned in History Class about King Tut, Manifest Destiny, and World War II,” said a little boy to his awestruck classmates, “So for my project, I decided to make a diorama. On the westward path, you can see a Conestoga wagon as it passes by the pyramids and Mount Rushmore. During the Great Depression, President Roosevelt, whose cousin Ted’s face is a big rock now, created the Works Progress Administration (WPA). The government employed thousands of artists on massive projects, like the pyramids, which put many Jews to work. The end.”
“Hey, Buster,” said Ms Pinewood, whose young face registered her wide-eyed shock, “I love your creativity, but when I taught the lesson on empires, it was meant to be thematic. That means that those events spanned timelines and cultures and didn’t all happen at the same time.”
She added, “You should also think about how you use certain words.”
“O, but I like how I talk, and I thought that all the subjects went really well together. That’s why I modeled them like this. Aren’t we supposed to see across differences, anyways, to identify oppressors, like white people?”
The schoolchildren oohed and giggled as Ms Pinewood, who was a pale ginger, smiled awkwardly. She replied, “Perhaps my lesson last week was a bit black and white. I’ll keep that in mind. Leave your diorama on my desk with the others, and I’ll think about what you said before I grade it. And, Buster…”
“Yeah?”
“Come see me after class.”
The kids hooted and hollered to that, and Ms Pinewood had to hush them repeatedly. They responded with only a dip in volume. After more shushes, the room finally quieted, and Ms Pinewood smiled gently at Buster, who had taken his seat. He put his head on his arms, planted his face sideways, and watched Amina take her turn, but he was not really listening. He had already been anxious about presenting. Now, he had to worry about what his parents might think of the impending situation.
After popsicle stick Mayflowers, a spirited letter to Robert E. Lee, and a tea-soaked printout of the Constitution, the bell rang, and all the kids except for Buster grabbed their backpacks from their cubbies. Soon, they had cleared, off to the revving car-line and grumbling yellow buses. Ms Pinewood walked over to her student, who sat up at attention.
“I liked your project, Buster, but let’s work on thinking more about context. Otherwise, people might get confused by what you’re saying. Okay?”
“Hmmhmm,” and he bit his lip, looking at the world map on the wall then back to Ms Pinewood.
“Do I get an A?”
“That doesn’t matter. But your project’s a keeper.”
“Okay, Ms Pinewood,” Buster grumbled and dashed to his cubby. After a quick trip to the boys room, he bolted to his mother’s grey car.
Evelyn was quiet all the way home, but that was fine. At least it was Turkey “Burger” Day, which was always Buster’s favorite since he got to play with dinosaurs. When the family finally sat around the dinner table, he took a number of the golden beauts and got to work. He stood some up, splashed ketchup on others that were lying down, and watched all of them create their own society. It was a magical but brutal place, where dinos had to be crafty if they really wanted to kill to live. There were hypocritical pachycephalosaurs, nervous anti-Rexers, all manner of scaly charlatans, and a stone-munching brontosaurus. Some were even feathered and flew above those who could never leave the ground, and one pack Buster put to the right, another to the left of his plate.
“Are you playing with your food again? Aren’t you too old for that?” asked his mother tersely.
“Why can’t I? I’m seven,” complained Buster, “And what does it matter if they all get eaten up in the end?”
“It matters,” Evelyn stressed, “This kind of acting out is exactly why you got in trouble at school today. Don’t deny it. I know what it means when you take more than a minute to run to the SUV,” she snapped then ripped the head off Buster’s stegosaurus.
“Hey! That’s mean,” and he grabbed at the severed, panko-dripping parts to try his hand at prehistoric surgery.
“Wrong!” and Evelyn popped the head into her mouth, chewing, “You are born of my loins, so behave yourself like I have taught you,” and mutilated the tail next.
“Listen to your mother, my normal son,” exclaimed his exasperated yet flatly baritone father, “And remember. Playing with your food is like me thinking that I could one day pay for all of the TV subscriptions that I want. That is impossible, so I just tell myself, ‘No, Earl, you cannot do that,’ and then I respond to myself, ‘Ah. You are right, Earl. I cannot imagine things that do not exist. Whoop, it is gone, now.’ I feel happier every time I do that. You should try it. I do it every day, for all manner of things.”
He looked his wife up and down with a fixed face that eventually morphed into a tense half-smile.
“Your father is a smart, successful man. I hope you grow up to be just like him,” Buster’s mother followed up, “because I love him.”
Buster decided to imagine his parents as dinosaurs. He put them in tar pits.
Serves 4
Total time
45 minutes
Equipment:
cutting board, chef’s knife or cleaver, large mixing bowl, silicone spatula, measuring cups and spoons, fork, plates or small bake trays, large cast-iron skillet, kitchen tongs, fine mesh skimmer, small mixing bowl, wire drying rack, digital thermometer
Tableware:
plates, forks, and knives, or use your imagination
Ingredients
1 lb ground turkey breast
3 eggs
¼ cup heavy cream
2 slices bread
4 cloves garlic
½ large shallot
Serrano chile, as desired
1 sprig parsley
1 tsp red wine vinegar
1 cup all-purpose flour, or as needed
2 cups panko breadcrumbs, or as needed
1 tsp garlic powder
¼ tsp ground cayenne pepper
Peanut oil, as needed
Ground black pepper, as needed
Kosher salt, as needed
Ketchup, as desired
Instructions
Set out all ingredients, equipment, and tableware.
Heat the cast-iron skillet over medium-low with ¾-inch of peanut oil.
Peel, then mince the shallot and garlic. Pull the leaves from the parsley sprig, and finely chop. Mince the serrano.
Remove the crust from the bread, then finely dice the rest, reserving the crust for another use.
In a large mixing bowl, beat 1 egg and ¼ cup heavy cream together with 1 tsp kosher salt, ½ tsp black pepper, and 1 tsp red wine vinegar.
Stir in the bread, garlic, shallot, parsley, serrano as desired, and turkey meat, then thoroughly mix with a clean hand.
On a plate or small bake tray, combine the flour with 1 tsp black pepper, 1 tsp garlic powder, ¼ tsp cayenne, and 1 tsp salt.
On another tray, whisk the egg with a pinch each of salt and black pepper.
On a third tray, mix the panko bread crumbs with a pinch each of black pepper and salt.
Flatten a small ball of the meat mixture, then coat it in the seasoned flour, eggs, and panko bread crumbs.
Place the burger in the oil, baste with the kitchen tongs, and cook, flipping occasionally, until the internal temperature registers almost 150°F.
Turn the heat to high, and cook until evenly golden-brown, and very crisp. Remove the burger from the oil, place it on the wire drying rack, and immediately sprinkle over a little salt and pepper.
Return the oil to medium-low heat.
Taste the burger, adjust the rest of the meat mixture as desired, then form some dinosaurs, and repeat the frying process in batches. Skim the oil of any debris as needed.
To serve, dip the dinos in ketchup, and have fun with it!
Note: An alternative cooking method is to heat two skillets of oil to 350°F and 375°F, respectively, transferring each batch of dinosaurs from low to high as needed.
NUTRITION FACTS:
Calories 657 Total Fat 14.2g (18%) Saturated Fat 5.2g (26%) Cholesterol 371mg (124%) Sodium 991mg (43%) Total Carbohydrate 24.6g (9%) Dietary Fiber 1.3g (5%) Total Sugars 1.1g Protein 106.9g Vitamin D 15mcg (77%) Calcium 43mg (3%) Iron 3mg (18%) Potassium 118mg (3%) - Note: Please read our Nutrition Disclaimer.
Seth Paternostro is a writer and recipe developer based in Chicago. He is a co-founder of Our American Cuisine and graduated summa cum laude from Princeton University with an A.B. in East Asian Studies. You can learn more about him here.
Alex Paternostro is a writer and food photographer based in Chicago. He is a co-founder of Our American Cuisine and graduated with honors in English from Princeton University. You can learn more about him here.
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