“Earl’s Famous Turkey Chili”
Earl took this picture of “Earl’s Famous Turkey Chili.” Go Earl. [Photo Credit: Alex Paternostro]
by Seth and Alex Paternostro
January 6, 2022
“‘Earl’s Famous Turkey Chili’ tastes so good because I’ve been making it, with slight adjustments, for the past 25 years,” said Earl.
“Mmm. I love my chili,” he continued.
“We eat it all the time!” screamed Evelyn at her seated family, “But I do have to say that Earl’s got it pretty good, when you have the same thing twice a week.”
“Yeah, that and hot dogs,” bust in Scooter, low and slow.
“Hey, my larger son, those are ‘Pigs in a Warm Blankey’ to you. And please remove your beanie. It is blocking my view of your mother.”
“Ah, man,” said Scooter, and he looked so different without his hat.
Buster got up. Earl thought that he must have done so to do something that kids do, like run around. He was going to ask Buster if he was going to run around, but Buster was soon more than three feet away. Earl did not wish to strain his vocal apparatus, so he looked at the table for a suitable replacement. Since his other son was still seated and eating “Earl’s Famous Turkey Chili,” which was so delicious, Earl decided to ask him the subject-appropriate question that he was going to ask Buster.
“Are you going to go outside this day?”
Scooter replied, “I don’t go outside.”
Earl was vexed and rather disappointed. He always enjoyed skipping about sewer tunnels when he was in high school. He found them so quiet and peaceful. How could humans of his stock not love what he did? Earl shook his head, and with the affirmation he was seeking now denied, he moved his body to face Buster, who was doing something in the kitchen with roiling oil. Earl asked him something about the oil to seem interested but got back to his actual line of inquiry soon enough.
“What about you, younger son? You are of an age where that is important.”
“Nope,” Buster said, not quite sure what Earl was referring to anymore.
Earl spooned more beans into his mouth. He sprinkled some grated cheddar onto his bowl, along with more chopped onions and jalapeños, then finished the soup. After Buster had returned with his inventions, Earl consumed as many as he could without attracting too much attention from his wife. He shifted his eyes back and forth while he mechanically reached for the puffed corn tortillas and moved them towards his mouth. Chomp! Chomp! The loud crunching probably gave him away, but Earl was oblivious. Chomp! He always found himself to be very subtle. Chomp! Like a rocket blasting towards space, but which is seen from miles and miles away, Earl got up and walked to his amazing pot of chili. He was done chomping. He just wanted to admire his recipe some more, so it was a good thing he was still moderately in need of more sustenance.
“There’s nothing wrong with being full. Now. Eat up, Earl,” said Earl before scooping himself another bowl of chili.
“Stop referring to yourself in the third person,” cried Evelyn, “It’s weird! And you just ate six of Buster’s fried tortillas and two servings of chili. You know what that means!” lapsing into sing-song at the end.
“No breakfast tomorrow,” answered Earl.
He looked down at his stomach, made a pouty face and stated, “We can make that undo.”
“No, Earl. Keep it in.”
“Okay. I’ll make undo the lights, then,” and he reached over to shut off the overheads.
Serves 10
Total time
1 hour 15 minutes
Equipment:
cutting board, chef’s knife or cleaver, vegetable peeler, mortar and pestle or spice grinder, small sauté pan, large pot, can opener, large mixing bowl, fine mesh strainer, scissors, silicone spatula, large metal spoon, cheese grater, tasting spoon
Tableware:
bowls and spoons
Ingredients
1 lb ground turkey breast
1 tsp cider vinegar
1 tbsp tomato paste
3 cloves garlic
1 habanero pepper
2 tbsps light soy sauce
1½ onions
2 ribs celery
1 tbsp whole cumin
½ tbsp whole black peppercorns
½ tsp dried thyme
1 tsp garlic powder
2 tsps ground chipotle
½ tsp ground cayenne
1 tbsp cocoa powder
2 x 28 oz cans San Marzano tomatoes
2 x 16 oz cans dark red kidney beans
1 x 16 oz can pinto beans
4 cups water
2 cups corn kernels, defrosted if frozen
1 jalapeño pepper
Maggi seasoning, as needed
White cheddar, as desired
Orange cheddar, as desired
Tortilla chips or puffed fried tortillas, as needed
Limes, as needed
Peanut oil, as needed
Kosher salt, as needed
Instructions
Set out all equipment, tableware, and ingredients. Preheat a small sauté pan over low and a large pot over medium-high.
Toast the cumin seeds and black peppercorns in the small pan until you can smell their aroma.
In a mortar or spice grinder, crush the cumin and peppercorns very finely, then combine with the thyme, garlic powder, chipotle, cayenne, and cocoa powder.
Open the tomato cans, pour them into a strainer set over a mixing bowl, then split each fruit in half with scissors, and squeeze out the seeds.
Place the de-seeded flesh into the mixing bowl, and tap the strainer on the bowl so that any remaining juices flow through. You can also press any pulp through with a silicone spatula.
Clean the strainer.
Open the cans of beans, pour them in the strainer, rinse lightly, then add to the bowl of tomatoes.
Peel, then medium dice 1 onion and 2 ribs of celery.
Peel, and mince the garlic.
De-stem, de-seed, and mince the habanero pepper.
Pour a thin layer of oil into the preheated pot, sprinkle over a few pinches of kosher salt, then drop bite-size clumps of meat in a single layer.
Sprinkle with another pinch of salt, and brown the bottom of the meat without moving.
Drizzle with the cider vinegar, then stir the meat, breaking it into smaller pieces as desired.
Mix in the tomato paste until the meat is evenly coated.
Stir in the habanero and garlic until they no longer smell raw, then add the chopped onion and celery.
Cook, stirring occasionally, until the onion is translucent, then add the dried spices.
Mix thoroughly, taste, and adjust as desired.
Add the tomatoes, beans, water, and 8 drops of the Maggi seasoning.
Bring the mixture to a light simmer, and cook for about 1 hour, or until reduced to your liking.
Meanwhile, de-stem, de-seed, and finely dice the jalapeño pepper. Peel, and finely dice ½ onion. Grate the cheddars. Quarter a few limes.
Combine the corn kernels with a pinch of salt, then add to the chili.
Taste, and adjust with the Maggi seasoning as necessary.
Serve with the jalapeño, onion, cheese, lime, and crisp tortillas to your assembled family unit.
NUTRITION FACTS:
Calories 420 Total Fat 1.5g (2%) Saturated Fat 0.1g (1%) Cholesterol 144mg (48%) Sodium 835mg (36%) Total Carbohydrate 28.3g (10%) Dietary Fiber 7g (25%) Total Sugars 5.9g Protein 39.3g Vitamin D 0mcg (0%) Calcium 88mg (7%) Iron 6mg (32%) Potassium 331mg (7%) - Note: Please read our Nutrition Disclaimer.
Seth Paternostro is a writer and recipe developer based in Chicago. He is a co-founder of Our American Cuisine and graduated summa cum laude from Princeton University with an A.B. in East Asian Studies. You can learn more about him here.
Alex Paternostro is a writer and food photographer based in Chicago. He is a co-founder of Our American Cuisine and graduated with honors in English from Princeton University. You can learn more about him here.
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